Chris Rock took up the daunting task of entertaining people to the maximum on the brink of the year 2008. Rumor has it, the set lived up to its goal.   Footage of the evening has not floated about on the internet yet.  There are a couple videos on YouTube, but they are very hard to hear and of poor quality.

What I have been able to find, is a set of highlights from the evening:

On Elections: “Why would they have Election Day on a Tuesday? Would you hold a party on a Tuesday? No, cause you want people to come. They obviously don’t want you showing up.”

On Bush: “He’s made it hard for a white man to run for president. People are saying, ‘After Bush, I’m not sure we can take another chance on a white guy.”

“He just doesn’t give a fuck about you. In the history of not giving a fuck no one has ever given less of a fuck.”

On Bush Voter’s Remorse: “Bush is like Hammer, nobody admits to buying the album now.”

On Hillary: “I think America is ready for a woman president, but does it have to be that woman?”

“Hillary keeps going on and on about her experience as first lady making her qualified to be president. Being married to someone doesn’t make you experienced enough to do their job. I’ve been married to my wife for ten years and if she was up here right now y’all wouldn’t laugh once.”

On Hillary and Bill: “Hillary is the greatest forgiver of all time.”

On Obama: “Sometimes I feel like Barack forgets he’s the black candidate in the race. He’s running like he can win this shit fair and square.”

“That motherfucker’s calm. He’s always talking in measured tones.”

On Post 9/11-Iraq: “Bush was like, ‘You think you know how to kill Americans? I’ll show you how to kill Americans!”

On WMD: “There turned out to be more WMDs in T.I.’s trunk!”

On Barry Bonds: “I’ve never seen so many mad white people in my life. He took pills? So what? The whole country is on pills!”

On Giuliani: “He’s kind of like a pit bull. Great if you have burglars but if you don’t, he’ll probably eat your kids.”

“People say he was great on 9/11, but what about 9/10, 5/21, 12/13, hell, pick a date, any date, the guy wasn’t shit.”

The man knows how to make the truth tickle.

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